The holidays are a time for relaxation and celebration with our loved ones, when we prioritize good times with family and pump the brakes on work and other obligations. 

Yet this warm togetherness can break your heart if you’ve suffered the loss of a loved one, and especially if this is your first holiday season without them. The festive music, decorations, and social events can be painful reminders, making it difficult to find joy in what’s supposed to be such a joyful season. 

How you respect and honor the memory of your loved one, while making new memories with those around you, decides how well you’re able to move forward. Here are some ways you can better prepare yourself and make it through difficult times. 

Feel the Grief

Grief is a reflection of the love and connection you had with someone important to you. It’s a natural and necessary part of healing. Don’t ignore or avoid grief through alcohol, other substances, or overworking – this only delays your recovery. Allow yourself to experience your feelings in the moment. 

Balance Memory & Distraction

Part of healthy coping is giving yourself time to remember and honor your loved one, but not dwelling on them 100% of the time. Allow yourself some distractions that keep you focused on the present or the future. Movies, games, conversations, and working on a project or hobby are all ways you can dive into something else for a little while. But remember – everything in moderation!

Identify Coping Strategies & Make Plans

Plan in advance how you’ll handle events or activities you used to do with the loved one. Know yourself and your triggers so you can identify coping strategies for handling them in the moment. 

For example, if your late husband always dressed up as Santa, ask a relative or friend in advance to take care of that this year instead.

Another example: If being around certain friends or a particular place will be a trigger, plan to skip it, limit your time there, or bring someone else as a distraction. If you absolutely must go alone, make an agreement with someone close that you’ll call them before and/or after so you have support. 

Connect with Loved Ones

Speaking of other people, this is the time to cherish your memories and moments with the loved ones still in your life. Respect your own boundaries and mental bandwidth, of course, but try to spend time with others this year, creating new memories, starting new traditions, and making new plans for the future. Not only will this help distract you, but in many ways it can help you honor your deceased loved one.

Ask for Help

If you’ve tried everything above and you still feel yourself overcome with grief and unable to move forward, there are many resources available that can help you. 

Grief Share is a valuable website that connects you with local groups and resources right in your community – oftentimes completely free. You can go in person to a session to connect with others going through the same thing you are.

Grief In Common is another online resource that connects you with a multitude of Zoom support groups, live chats and forums, grief learning articles, and other ways of connecting and moving forward. 

If you’re looking for a one-on-one counselor, PDG Therapeutics also offers grief counseling support for every individual and situation. Call today to set up an appointment: 410-863-7213.

Healing

Emotions and holidays are complicated. No matter your loss, you are justified in how you feel and deserve any time you need to grieve, process, and move forward. While grief may never completely leave you, you can grow around it, one day at a time.